A LIST OF FISH: HOW NOT TO COPYWRITE

If you're trying to sell me something via your email marketing or website, don't give me a "list of fish" to read. I won't read it and neither will your customers.

What do you Mean by a "List of Fish"?

We have started using the phrase "a list of fish" to mean any piece of marketing that is high on facts, but unfortunately low on interest.

Our seemingly bizarre parlance stems from our shared love of Derren Brown's recent book "A Trick of the Mind". In the first chapter of said book, Derren describes a visit to an aquarium where he noticed that every tank had a notice in Braille dutifully describing the fish that could found within.

Nothing unusual with that you might think, but as Derren explains, anybody with a severe visual impairment visiting the aquarium, would "enjoy" an experience tantamount to little more than "a list of fish". Not exactly a stimulating day out...

In summary "a list of fish" is a list of information, which often seems like a good idea at the time, but in fact is boring as hell to anyone unfortunate enough to encounter it.

OK, Point Taken, But How Does This Affect my Marketing?

Well it struck me today how very often websites and emails are often no better than a "list of fish", in how they attempt to engage a potential customer.

I received an email from a B2B company (who frankly should have known better) attempting to sell me their wares. The email consisted of exciting snippets of information along the lines of:

1. "70% increase in xxxxxx from companies with 1,000,000 + employees."
2. "30% increase in xxxxxx looking for welsh nose flutes."

Interesting, relevant facts right? Well no, not really. Not when there's another 25 to read. Not when none of these facts are of any interest to me (and won't influence whether I buy anything or not). Not when it's in a small font, tightly packed together in a horrible big list (of fish). I just haven't got the time or the inclination to read that and I can't think of anyone who would!

The Outcome

Admittedly it made me laugh, but only because it was so stunningly horrible and in terms of persuading me to part with Clearsite's cash, it completely failed. I deleted the email after about 5 seconds (and then retrieved from my recycle bin so I could write this!).

It's worth noting that I am effectively in the market for this company's products and my dealings thus far have been positive; it wasn't just a random email that I had no interest in whatsoever.

Imagine if you'd sent that email to one of your hot prospects? Imagine if such a prospect (as yet unknown to you) had arrived at a page like this on your website and then quickly disappeared and spent their money somewhere else?

Today's Moral

If you're writing anything for your company, don't just write a huge list of facts and figures and expect people to be enamoured with your brilliance. It's OK to include a few choice morsels of information, but keep them quick, to the point and surround them with witty, engaging and (maybe) controversial snippets of prose. Don't, whatever you do, write a "list of fish".

Notes and Queries...

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